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something’s gotta give.

i wish i could do it All.  seriously, i have the motivation AND the energy . . . but darn it, there are only 24 hours in the day.

i attended a Polish luncheon yesterday, and Bill Hendricks spoke on Giftedness and it was an extremely powerful and encouraging message.

basically, he uses the word Giftedness to describe the inborn core strengths and natural motivation you instinctively use to do things that are satisfying and productive. Not just what you can do, but what you were born to do, enjoy doing, and do very well.

he had us rank our job satisfaction on a scale of 1-5 (1 means you hate your life every day in your current job, and 5 means you think you have the greatest job in the world).

i literally had to hold back the tears during the talk — because i’m a 5.  a legit, bonafide Five.  I absolutely LOVE my job (jobs).  Love. Love. Love.  most days i think i’m the luckiest gal in the whole world that i can dream and design and by some miracle, people pay for these services and products.

BUT, this comes with a difficult challenge:  i LOVE being a mom too.  i’m crazy in love with my kiddos, and i don’t want to miss a blink.

for the past two years i’ve been in Limbo.  limbo of being pregnant/nursing and raising these little babes, WHILE trying to maintain and keep up client relationships, gain new business, and altogether grow both Mica May Design and May Books.

the TRUTH is that i’m in way over my head.  the TRUTH is that i’m conflicted every day about wanting to spend time with my kids and wanting to work.  the TRUTH is that i’m a better woman, wife, and mom when i DO work!  the TRUTH is that there is not a perfect system for me as a “full time work at home mom” . . . and the logistics are killing me.

this year is all about being intentional (with my time/relationships/spending habits), and i think that as much as this artist bucks The System, i truly do need it.

i have had to teach myself the value of structure – scheduling my weeks, our meals, our yearly trips, etc.

but i have found that there is FREEDOM within the bounds of structure!  i just need to remind myself of these every day — because my mind doesn’t work in linear boxes.  my mind is a crazy place of designs and hopes and dreams and plans yet to be set . . . and i forget that a structure can be my friend in the midst of the craziness.

right now, my day to day life is a little tricky. madelyn needs more and more attention and work is at all time high.  until now, i’ve been able to sneak work into the nooks and crannys of my day (while she naps, plays in her excersaucer, on tuesdays when she is a MDO, and in the evenings when they are in bed). in August, she will join her brother at RISE 2-3 times a week, which will be a GREAT solution for both of us (she will love all the stimulation and the learning!) and i’ll have a quiet house i can full devote to work three days a week.

until then, i’m looking for a solution for me and my Madi.  i think i’m in denial that i need help more days a week than i’d like to admit.  with the NSS looming and lots of new design projects, i think scheduling out exact work hours and hiring some extra help is inevitable.

while i’d love to cook gourmet meals, grow veggies in our backyard, make all their photo albums of the past two years, go to yoga every morning . . . this just isn’t the season for those things.  my priorities are my hubby, my babies, and my companies.

yes, we’ll eat, but it might be an egg sandwich and i’m just perfectly fine with that!

because, something’s gotta give.

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