on the cusp of … something
we are moving to Houston! and soon! here are the details . . .
yesterday was world down syndrome awareness day.
i might have noticed about every 10 years or so, perhaps if someone tweeted about it . . .
except that 2 years ago, a little bundle of love, one with an extra dose of chromosome 21, was born into our lives . . . and i am now acutely aware of things like World Down Syndrome Day.
when jax was less than two weeks old, we were introduced to a family with a sweet little 18 month old girl who had down syndrome. we bundled up our tiny infant and made the longest 3 mile journey i’ve ever made. jonathan drove and i sat in nervous silence while our minds raced and spoke louder than words ever would . . .
i remember sitting with these dear friends we had just met, tears pouring down all our faces as i asked inappropriate questions like:
are you supposed to say, “my kid has Downs” or do i just say Down syndrome?
am i obligated to acknowledge the elephant in the room to everyone (aka strangers in the produce section of central market) that yes, indeed jackson’s gorgeous blue almond eyes means he has Down syndrome?
does it make you angry now when you hear the word retarded?
does it mean he won’t get invited to the other kid’s birthday parties because he looks different or he can’t keep up?
will it mean that a neighborhood mom won’t call me to join them on a stroll because she’s embarrassed?
in the quietness of their living room, her words pierced me, “Mica, there will never be a box for you.” just like that. she said it. air hung on those words as i let them sink in . . .
and she was right. while these past 2 years have been full of joy, there have been those little fleeting moments of uncertainty, where i’m just not quite sure where i fit in. it’s those little moments where i’m learning what awareness is really all about . . . like when people ask his age, quietly wondering to themselves, “shouldn’t kids be able to walk by 2 years old?” or when i’m in the waiting room at the pediatrician and i nervously laugh that oh, yes he’s 2, but he’s not really talking yet . . .
sometimes i throw it out there. ya know, like the “i know that you know know i know” sort of thing.
then other times, i don’t feel the need to explain anything, and so they quietly wonder.
there are things i still don’t know.
i’m not sure i’ll ever be ready to read books on Down syndrome or hear about “so and so’s cousin” with DS who is working! at a grocery store! they say it with 2 exclamation points like i should be looking forward to my jackson being a bagger at kroger.
and here’s the deal. if it makes HIM happy, then by all means, he can work and do as he pleases.
but right now, he’s 2 years old. he delights in the magic of balloons. he could watch toy story 3 every day if i let him. he sequels with excitement when i open the front door at the adventures that await us out there. he whines in his carseat until i play Ceo Lo Green’s “Forget You” or some other ridiculous pop song that i’m sure makes me a bad mother.
and while i’m quite positive that before 02.15.09, on multiple occasions i said some version of, “Oh, don’t be retarded!” i don’t feel sad, because i simply wasn’t aware of who might have taken offense at the R-word . . .
good ole’ websters says awareness means “concerned and well-informed of a situation or fact”.
in the past two years, i could have never guessed that my list of things i’d be “well-informed” about would be things like SureSteps, proprioception, Nystagmus, and ocular Torticollis. but alas, not only has my vocabulary grown, but my capacity to extend grace towards those who are simply, unaware.
so, my jackson, thank you for opening my eyes to the simplicity of ball pits, balloons blowing in the breeze, and the glorious feeling of new spring grass running through our fingers. i’m pretty sure i’m a better mother because of you, and i can’t wait for all the other things you will teach me along our way.
i wish i could do it All. seriously, i have the motivation AND the energy . . . but darn it, there are only 24 hours in the day.
i attended a Polish luncheon yesterday, and Bill Hendricks spoke on Giftedness and it was an extremely powerful and encouraging message.
basically, he uses the word Giftedness to describe the inborn core strengths and natural motivation you instinctively use to do things that are satisfying and productive. Not just what you can do, but what you were born to do, enjoy doing, and do very well.
he had us rank our job satisfaction on a scale of 1-5 (1 means you hate your life every day in your current job, and 5 means you think you have the greatest job in the world).
i literally had to hold back the tears during the talk — because i’m a 5. a legit, bonafide Five. I absolutely LOVE my job (jobs). Love. Love. Love. most days i think i’m the luckiest gal in the whole world that i can dream and design and by some miracle, people pay for these services and products.
BUT, this comes with a difficult challenge: i LOVE being a mom too. i’m crazy in love with my kiddos, and i don’t want to miss a blink.
for the past two years i’ve been in Limbo. limbo of being pregnant/nursing and raising these little babes, WHILE trying to maintain and keep up client relationships, gain new business, and altogether grow both Mica May Design and May Books.
the TRUTH is that i’m in way over my head. the TRUTH is that i’m conflicted every day about wanting to spend time with my kids and wanting to work. the TRUTH is that i’m a better woman, wife, and mom when i DO work! the TRUTH is that there is not a perfect system for me as a “full time work at home mom” . . . and the logistics are killing me.
this year is all about being intentional (with my time/relationships/spending habits), and i think that as much as this artist bucks The System, i truly do need it.
i have had to teach myself the value of structure – scheduling my weeks, our meals, our yearly trips, etc.
but i have found that there is FREEDOM within the bounds of structure! i just need to remind myself of these every day — because my mind doesn’t work in linear boxes. my mind is a crazy place of designs and hopes and dreams and plans yet to be set . . . and i forget that a structure can be my friend in the midst of the craziness.
right now, my day to day life is a little tricky. madelyn needs more and more attention and work is at all time high. until now, i’ve been able to sneak work into the nooks and crannys of my day (while she naps, plays in her excersaucer, on tuesdays when she is a MDO, and in the evenings when they are in bed). in August, she will join her brother at RISE 2-3 times a week, which will be a GREAT solution for both of us (she will love all the stimulation and the learning!) and i’ll have a quiet house i can full devote to work three days a week.
until then, i’m looking for a solution for me and my Madi. i think i’m in denial that i need help more days a week than i’d like to admit. with the NSS looming and lots of new design projects, i think scheduling out exact work hours and hiring some extra help is inevitable.
while i’d love to cook gourmet meals, grow veggies in our backyard, make all their photo albums of the past two years, go to yoga every morning . . . this just isn’t the season for those things. my priorities are my hubby, my babies, and my companies.
yes, we’ll eat, but it might be an egg sandwich and i’m just perfectly fine with that!
because, something’s gotta give.
apparently, one day after school when i was in junior high, i told Mom,
“Hey, guess what?! I know what I love. Groups, responsibility and plans.”
hmmmmmmm. pretty weird for a 6th grader.
what i’ve come to realize after 6 years of marriage, several years owning 2 businesses, and now having 2 kids: there is a LOT to plan and manage. unfort. this is NOT the new news.
the realization is this: i LOVE plans. Love Them. the anticipation of thinking about something before it happens is downright M-A-G-I-C-A-L for me.
when the days are long and the months are short (read: baby/toddler stage of life), it’s just a little bit of daily bliss to think about “going to Napa with the hubby in May” to give me a little pick me up during the daily grind.
i feel like the past few years have been all about survival. keeping businesses afloat, building a house in 16 weeks, pregnant/nursing round the clock for essentially 2 years . . .
so to kick off the NEW year, husband and i saw down a did a little dreamin’. did a little plannin’.
And I’m Freakin’ Pumped.
here are some highlights i’m especially looking forward to:
Jan – CRAVE Book Launch and Dream Weekend in Nashville!
May Books is one of 150 Dallas entrepreneurs to be featured in the first edition of Crave Dallas! it’s super exciting — i had a big photo shoot of the studio and everything. the book launch party is at the end of the month and can’t wait for it!
also, i turn the big 3-0, and i wanted to do something really memorable, so we are heading to Nashville with our besties, the Carrolls, to dream. I’ll be white boarding all about May Books/Mica May Design,and the Husband will be focusing on some exciting new endeavors for his private counseling practice.
Feb – Jackson turns 2!
we’ve decided that we’d like our kids’ birthdays to be all about giving BACK. Lord knows we don’t need any more toys overtaking our living room. so to start us off, we are throwing a kid’s book drive! in lou of a gift, we are asking that the guests bring either a book from their PERSONAL collection (an opportunity for other moms teach their kids about sharing, ha), or they can bring a new book. i’m giddy over designing the invites and other details, and some of the fun crafts that we’ll do at the party!
May – Anniversary and the National Stationery Show!
first, we will celebrate 6 incredible years of marriage! {insert fist pumps here}. one thing we want to make a priority each year is getting away without the kids/work and really have a blast together. i think we are heading to Napa/Sonoma this year!
then, May Books is heading to the National Stationery Show in NYC. Oh. My. Word. i’m scared out of my mind. i’m working around the clock to make sure every detail is perfect, we roll out new patterns, and we are ready to handle large orders, should they come our way.
June – Madelyn turns one!
{haven’t quite decided her “give back birthday theme” yet, but stay tuned}
July – Road trippin’ to Memphis!
We hope to visit the Carrolls in their posh new home for the 4th.
August – Midland bound.
Husband’s shares his birthday with his all time hero, his granddad, so they always celebrate together.
December – Christmas in Victoria.
We are heading to Canada to celebrate with Mom in her neck of the woods!
but here’s the deal. the thinking about it ahead of time is what i really love. seriously.
if on July 2nd, something were to happen and we need to change plans and not head to Memphis for whatever reason, i can roll with it. i’m not going to freak out about my plan not working. it’s an opportunity to plan something new!!
so there it is. a few things throughout the year i can cling to when it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and i’m not quite sure how i’ll make it to 7:30 when the kids are fast asleep in their beds.
now you all think i’m a total pyscho. but hey, at least i’m flyin’ my flag.
my little jackson.
tomorrow you start school at RISE.
some days i laugh because i’m so excited about all you will learn, and others i cry because i know i will miss you something fierce.
i have so many things i want to tell you and explain to you, but you are still too little to understand. maybe, one day, we can look back at them together, if you get curious why we started you so young.
your daddy and i have been on our knees in prayer that this is the right decision for us (you!) and we really feel like the RISE school is God’s perfect place for you.
i am hopeful that . . .
you will meet some of your first friends at RISE
you will be challenged in ways i cannot challenge you
you will learn how to interact with other kids
you will be taught that entire other worlds exists besides our home
you will gain experiences apart from me that will inspire confidence in you
you will experience therapies each week (speech, OT and music) that will spur your fine and gross motor skills
you will feel LOVED exactly as you are!
you will find rest when you come back at home to me
you will be taught things i would have never thought to teach you
you will flourish in an environment created especially for you
i am fearful that . . .
you will miss me terribly and won’t be able to understand why i have left you in such a strange place
you will think i don’t love you or want to be with you all day
you will be jealous of my time with madelyn
you will wonder if i chose to put you in school so i could work
you will have long lasting (attachment) effects from my not being with you all day every day at such a young age
you will be overwhelmed with all the stimulation and activity
you can’t communicate about how your day was
you won’t flourish in this environment and it will be a setback somehow
however, i am trusting the Lord to fill in the gaps where my faith is weak.
the things i know for sure . . .
you could not be MORE loved by us, our family and our friends
you have the sweetest demeanor of anyone i’ve ever met
your smile lights up a room and makes my heart swell with pride
your wild man hair is simply irrisistable
your love of music probably means you are going to inspire the world with your undiscovered talent
you are capable of incredible things
you constantly surprise me with your wit
your curious nature will likely get you in trouble in the coming months
you love to learn
you have a genuine love for others
for the past 18 months, i have not only been your mother, i’ve been your advocate. your encourager. your occupational therapist. your speech therapist. your teacher. your nurse. your facilitator. your music teacher. your challenger. your helper.
what i am excited about for ME about you going to the RISE school is that it will allow me to step back and just be your mommy.
of course, i will still do any and everything to continue to set you up for success in every way i know how, but i can take a deep breath and just be your mommy!
we can read books! make play dough! draw pictures on your bedroom (chalkboard) walls! roll around in the grass! go to museums! be silly with your sister! take coffee to your daddy at work! make forts in the living room! ohhh the things we will do together.
jackson, we are on an adventure, you and me. a lifelong adventure. and it’s just the beginning . . .
a lot of my clients/friends ask me how i structure my days to handle working at home and taking care of jackson.
i decided to document the day’s events . . . it’s pretty detailed (!), but at least it gives you an insight to what i’m up to.
the preface: husband doesn’t work on wednesdays during the days, so he was a HUGE help today, and allowed me to go to a luncheon sans Jax. but typically, he would be with me through the rest of the activities.
second preface: the may fam is no stranger to busy days. in fact, i’m one of those gals that gets more done when i have more to do . . .
here goes.
6:45. Wake up to husband kissing me, telling me Good Morning and Goodbye. (he has guys breakfast at 7:00 on wednesdays)
7:00. Hear Jackson happily yelling for me to come get him.
7:15. Actually get out of bed and go get my little man. Change diaper/get him dressed/open all the blinds in the house together. This is our little morning routine.
7:30. Make coffee/breakfast for the both of us and check email on iphone while helping Jackson feed himself some toast and strawberries.
7:35. Realize I accidentally doubled booked my morning with an Occupational Therapy appointment for Jackson {9am at the house} and Girls Breakfast {8:30 at Mel’s house!}. Send a quick text to girls explaining and they graciously change the time to accommodate me! Thanks girls!
7:45. Fox Electric arrives to fix our ceiling fan that shakes. Bounce between monitoring the two men hanging out in our bedroom while I make sure the Dude doesn’t choke on the berries.
8:15. Play with Jackson for a bit in the living room/watch the Today Show as he plays.
8:30. Set Jax up in living room with some toys so I can sit at the computer to respond to some urgent client emails. Email back and forth with an illustrator from New York about partnering together for May Books (yay!) & followed up with another client about a custom May Book order.
8:55. Occupational Therapist arrives and we do a little paper work. She starts working with Jackson.
9:00. Hubby comes home and we sit and talk with the OT for a minute. Talk too long and realize I’m now late for my Girls Breakfast. Kiss the dudes goodbye and run to throw on an outfit that can work for a business luncheon later. Throw make up in a bag along with a hair brush and run out the door.
9:30. Arrive {late} to girls breakfast after putting make up on in the car {at red lights of course}.
9:45. Eat a muffin {or two!}, hold sweet Quinn, a 6 week old, and rest/chat with the girls.
11:25. Realize we’ve chatted far too long {loved it though!} and head out the door for my luncheon downtown at 11:45.
11:30. Return several phone calls in the car {thank you built in car blue tooth} and confirm landscaping date with my grandmother for later in the afternoon.
11:45. Find the perfect parking spot downtown in a metered spot, scrounge purse for quarters and run into the Polish luncheon. Set iphone timer so i’ll know when the meter is about to run out {genius iphone!}
12-1pm Enjoyed a fabulous meal and speaker at the Tower Club. Met a fabulous intellectual property attorney {been meaning to get a few things trademark/copyrighted!} and exchanged contact info. Timer goes off so I know I have 3 minutes to get myself and the big belly out of the bldg and to my car before a potential ticket . . .
1:15. Arrive home to find Jackson just waking from a nap {slept from 10:45 to 1:15!}. Love my sleepy snuggly guy. Got him out of the crib and fed him lunch/changed clothes, etc. {Jmay caught up on emails and made client phone calls.}
2pm: Drive to GranBy’s {she’s a landscaping guru and offered to help us pick out plans and give us tools!} and looked at plans/load tools into Jmay’s car. Jax showed her how he can crawl!
3-5: Nearly died from unexpected heat exhaustion at Lowes/Calloways, etc. buying plants for new spring/summer landscaping!! Whew it was hot.
5:15 Miscommunicated with the hubby about our next location {we drove 2 cars to Plano to accommodate plants} which actually worked out well. He checked on some knockout roses at another Lowes and I dealt with a Jackson melt down at Callaways. Bought some more plants while holding Jax on my big belly. Called hubby on the drive home and had him order pizza.
6pm Arrive home. Let Jackson unwind and cool down from being in the stroller/car seat by crawling around in his diaper/play with toys.
6:15: GranBy arrives and we all sit down to eat for 15 minutes . . . Jackson was CRAZY about the pizza! He made a royal mess, but loved every second of it.
6:30-7pm. I give Jackson a bath and put him to bed. Jmay and Granby survey the flower beds, deal with bees, and figure out why our yuca plants are dying.
7:15pm. Join the landscaping crew {GranBy and hubby} who discovered the flower beds are getting too much water. Jmay tests all the valves so we know which ones are which, and we label them as such and switch the settings.
7:30pm Kiss hubby and send him to work {he leads group at the halfway house on Wednesday nights until LATE} and said bye to GranBy, who knew all the right things to do with our yard!
7:30-8pm: Put a load of laundry in (I leave for NYC girls trip tomorrow!), wash dishes/clean kitchen/living room/office.
8:15: Search high and low for my lost May Book which has the address to a client I need to mail a custom May Book to (!!). Remembered having it at Discount Tire on Monday . . . . never found it, but cleaned out my car in the process.
8:30: Lay out all my May Books to take inventory and set up all the retail sales rep starter boxes!! Yay for hiring Dallas, Lubbock and Denver sales reps!
8:45: Back to checking/responding to emails: Schedule three meetings for Mica May Design clients for Monday and solidify plans for our Saturday dream session with the girls in New York! {more about this tomorrow!}
9:15. Check in for New York flight tomorrow and send a mobile boarding pass to my email! Double fist pump for www.AA.com being technologically savvy!
9:30. Design my Bump Diaries: Chapter 31 letter to Baby May. This is how/when I relax and unwind from the day.
10:30. Prepare May Books retail sales starter boxes for the reps. Itemize out the chosen patterns/box on a spreadsheet and label them. Put back on my display rack in my office.
{this is the plan for after I post this}
11pm. Take clothes out of washer and move to dryer (hang dry jeans).
11:15. Attempt to jump start my packing for NYC. {find suitcase/organize toiletries/move over diaper bag to purse/etc.}
11:45ish. Go check on Jackson and pray over him. Turn off the baby Coldplay music he goes to sleep to.
Midnight. Eat 2 frozen thin mints with a glass of milk and read on the Kindle until hubby comes home. Snuggle up with my best friend, pray for each other, our little ones, and friends/family and drift off to sleep.
welcome to the may nest: our humble home of {three}!
we are: wife, hubs and the jax man.
we believe life is meant to be enjoyed and shared, so who knows what our little hands might type when we get a stroke of GENIUS, are feeling introspective, or are all together excited about Life.
we hope you get to know us a a little deeper by each posting.
we are in love with our Dude. {a note for coming posts, Jackson was born with Down Syndrome. he is healthy, adorable and has the most wonderful personality a child can have. i am sure from time to time we will reference our joys & difficult moments relating to this particular part of our journey through parenthood.}
much love, mica {wife} and jonathan {hubs}
Most evenings you can find us dancing in the kitchen while we cook dinner. (We can dance AND cook at the same time). We love to laugh. Having great friends over for a long dinner with copius amounts of wine is our idea of a perfect evening. As often as we can, we have coffee time together at 3 in the afternoon. We adore our little Dude and think he's the greatest gift we've ever received. 